These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
