i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
