you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
