I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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