I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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