we have officially lost it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's great music for shaving your balls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
