I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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