Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
