there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
