So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
