help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
