I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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