That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
