he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
