In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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