All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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