Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
