The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
