we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
