to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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