Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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