But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
