I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
