respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
