he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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