Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
