I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
