I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
