You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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