I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
