We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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