I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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