Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
