one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
