there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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