He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
