I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
