I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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