someone get that fucking seahorse.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
