I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
