2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize