Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
