Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He has the fingertips of a God
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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