I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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