ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
birth control should be required to get into college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
