what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
