he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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