When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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