Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
