I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
