she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
