i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
