She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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