so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
