Tell her she can't have a vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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