There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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