We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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