I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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