i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
