don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
