So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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