It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
