i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
