I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
