How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
