This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
