Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
