I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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